If you have friends who are parents, flipping through your social media feed may look like the makings of a Gerber Photo Contest, with photos of sweet bundles of joy! You’re not seeing the tears, sweat, and sense of helplessness that sometimes overcomes the parents. That was me (though I don’t often post photos of my LO on social), baby blues postpartum depression, and I didn’t even know it.
What is Postpartum Depression?
Postpartum Depression is a serious but often misunderstood condition that affects many women, even after the joyous occasion of having their bundle of joy. It’s a form of depression that occurs after childbirth. With so many hormones running through a woman’s body after labor, it creates different emotions and thoughts for the mother.
When I was younger, I hardly heard about depression, let alone any form of mental health; recently, I was having coffee with a friend, and postpartum depression was mentioned and how it’s a stigma to discuss the topic, but it needs to be addressed.
For me, the first six days post-delivery was the most difficult. Though I was so happy to have my little one (LO) in my arms, overwhelming emotions and exhaustion got the best of me. Amidst sleep deprivation, breastfeeding hardships, and my baby’s persistent crying, I felt incredibly frustrated and impatient with everything around me.
What saved me during this tumultuous time was my “village” – my husband, who sent a bouquet of roses to remind me he loved me even though I was short-tempered; my parents, who stayed up all night so I could get some much-needed rest; my doctor, who gave me advice on handling my emotions; and friends and family who brought meals so I wouldn’t have to cook (a huge blessing).
Baby Blues? Is it the same soulful tune as the Jazz Blues?
Little did I know I was suffering from what’s known as “the baby blues.” It’s a form of postpartum depression that includes mood swings, crying spells, anxiety, and difficulty sleeping – all of which were experiences I could resonate with. I would lash out randomly, and then I would be in tears. I would be the character in any romantic comedy crying and blowing her nose in tissue because the guy she thought she loved left her for someone else. That was me. It was not my proudest moment.
The baby blues begins within the first 2 or 3 days after delivery. Being pregnant with a child for 40 weeks is hard; giving birth and dealing with the baby blues is harder. It was a mental game that I didn’t think I was prepared for. My doctor made me realize I didn’t have to prepare for it; I just had to trust the people around me to help me.
I learned it takes a village to raise a child – and apparently to help mom cope too! If you’re going through the baby blues or postpartum depression or feel like you might be developing it soon after delivery, don’t hesitate to reach out for help. You don’t have to do it alone! And remember, utilize those around you for extra support – they are there because they want to be.
I am so blessed to have had the people around me to help me get through the baby blues. I never knew this existed, and many of the FTM books don’t mention it! My mother knew I was going through some postpartum; I’m pretty sure the full-on tears during our FaceTime calls gave it away, and my parents would show up at my doorstep the next day (they lived 2.5 hours away).
Don’t let the baby blues get you down!
Looking back, I realized a few things helped me overcome the rough patch of postpartum baby blues. Here are some tips that helped me through.
Your Tribe, Your Village
Your support system. Utilize them. Friends, sisters-in-law, and family would visit me, and even my neighbors would visit me. I had them watch the baby, so I could shower, throw in a batch of laundry, or even pump. Sometimes they would show up with food, which helped too. Cooking is difficult while taking care of a child. Meal prep or ordering out was a godsend. Thank you, Grubhub and Uber Eats (Promo Code: eats-3560l)!
Take Your Time Out
If you ever feel upset or stressed, put LO down in a safe place (crib, pack-n-play) and walk away for a few minutes. Those few minutes will feel like a godsend. If LO cries, just shut the door for a few minutes and walk away. They won’t hurt themselves in the crib. It would be best if you took your time out without them. Do this as often as you need. It’s safer than taking your stress out on them. Always remember, this too shall pass. LO won’t be like this forever.
Leave the House
Have someone watch LO for a few hours so you can have a mental break. Leave the house and go for a jog or a walk. Heck, get your nails done (no gel manicures yet if you’re breastfeeding).
Baby blues was one of the most complex parts of motherhood for me. My pregnancy wasn’t easy to begin with, so I already started off the journey rough, but I have never been a person who felt as low as I did when I was dealing with all the negative emotions postpartum. I also never felt so uncontrolled before with my feelings. I used to pride myself on my patience, but my patience dropped tremendously after giving birth.
If you have suicidal thoughts…
At any point after your delivery, if you start thinking of harming yourself or your baby, please seek help immediately. Seek help from your partner or loved ones in caring for your baby. Call 911 (or your local emergency number) to get help.
Please also consider some of the below tips:
- Call a mental health provider or your healthcare provider.
- Reach out to a close friend, loved one, spiritual leader, minister, priest, or others in your faith community.
- Contact a suicide hotline. In the U.S., call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Or use the Lifeline Chat. Services are free and confidential. The Suicide & Crisis Lifeline in the U.S. has a Spanish language phone line at 1-888-628-9454 (toll-free).
Final Thoughts on Baby Blues
Postpartum depression is challenging to maneuver if you don’t have the right tools. You cannot handle it alone. Some women still battle with postpartum depression months after they deliver. It’s a part of motherhood that I don’t hear people talk about, but, as an FTM having to go through a small aspect of it myself, I know it’s there. Honesty is the best policy, so be honest with yourself, your partner, and your family. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, voice it, don’t keep it inside. Speak with your doctor; I told my doctor I was feeling all these emotions I hardly felt before, and she was glad I did because her next question was to ask if I was feeling any negative emotions. Approximately 70%-80% of all new mothers experience some negative feelings or mood swings after the birth of their child. Don’t feel embarrassed; this is perfectly normal!
Postpartum depression doesn’t just happen to mothers. For fathers struggling with postpartum depression, speaking openly about their feelings with their partner can be beneficial. Acknowledging how you feel is important, and talking about it can help create understanding between you and your partner as you go through this new experience together. Many resources and support groups are also available, specifically designed for fathers experiencing postpartum depression.
Do you have any tips for postpartum depression or stories you’d like to share? Please drop a comment or send me a message. Don’t ever feel like you’re alone because you’re not. I’m here to listen to mothers and fathers who need to vent.
Disclosure: I am not a licensed or board-certified medical professional. This article was based on my experience with baby blues and discussions with my doctor and nurse practitioner.
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